Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Vogon Poetry, Part 2

Here, in Part 2 of my homage to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
is an actual example of Vogon poetry by the Vogon master pictured above (isn't he so photogenic?) Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz:

Arthur Dent sat and quivered. He had no idea what he was in for, but he knew that he hadn't liked anything that had happened so far and didn't think things were likely to change.
The Vogon began to read — a fetid little passage of his own devising.
"Oh frettled gruntbuggly ..." he began. Spasms wracked Ford's body — this was worse than ever he'd been prepared for.
"... thy micturations are to me As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."
"Aaaaaaarggggghhhhhh!" went Ford Prefect, wrenching his head back as lumps of pain thumped through it. He could dimly see beside him Arthur lolling and rolling in his seat. He clenched his teeth.
"Groop I implore thee," continued the merciless Vogon, "my foonting turlingdromes."
His voice was rising to a horrible pitch of impassioned stridency. "And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"
"Nnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!" cried Ford Prefect and threw one final spasm as the electronic enhancement of the last line caught him full blast across the temples. He went limp.
Arthur lolled.
"Now Earthlings ..." whirred the Vogon (he didn't know that Ford Prefect was in fact from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, and wouldn't have cared if he had) "I present you with a simple choice! Either die in the vacuum of space, or ..." he paused for melodramatic effect, "tell me how good you thought my poem was!"

and in the final Vogon post tomorrow, Part 3: Why does Prostenic Vogon Jeltz write poetry?


raffy said...

Ah, yes, how I love those gobberwarts for breakfast in a bowl with milk. They grow green hair on my chest!

poemhome said...

Raffy,you took the words right out of my mouth, thank God.

Dave King said...

I guess it's an acquired taste: I'll work on it.

poemhome said...

Yes, Dave. Vogon poetry is an acquired taste, like measles and chicken pox.

Poetikat said...

PVJ is THE Master poet of all time! Jabberwocky, Schmabberwocky! The slithy toves have nothing on the Pulchritudinous Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz! (I like my life, you see.)

By the way, he looks far less hideous if you turn him upside down - almost Caprinaen, if you will (except for that gaping hole in 'is heed).

I could grow to love his language. "Lurgid bee" ha ha.


debra shirley said...


for the

poem you

left on my blog.

In the library

at the school where I work,

I discovered In the Swim.

Woohoo! It really knocked me out!

I guffawed at “manateam”, but first

Piranhas elicited toothy grins.

Thanks for following my blog, One Word After Another. Debra

poemhome said...

Kat: You don't want to know what happens if you turn Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz upside down!
Debra: Thanks for your thoughtful thanks.

Anonymous said...

Douglas Adams was brilliant in so many ways. ;)